Shining a Light on No Relation
A book of micro-essays on being an almost-mother published by BLP
Is everyone fuh-lipping out over Amanda Gorman’s poem “The Hill We Climb” from the inauguration yesterday? I just played it for Louise who said, “She wrote that?” From there we went on to discuss Slam Poetry and I began to show her Maggie Estep videos but there was a lot of F word in them.
One thing I love about teaching writing is the ongoing conversation about books and the recommendations that are constantly flying around.
My student/friend Stephanie (who has a fabulous newsletter: The Criterion Cure) referenced this book of micro-essays, No Relation by Paula Carter. I trust Stephanie, so I bought the book.
I bought the book straight from the publisher, no middle man here. Before the pandemic I would be very much like I need a book and I need it now and would order from Amazon somewhat regularly. Now I NEVER do! Like, ever. Not with a gun to my head! If indie publishers go down, I’m going down with them!
Okay, enough yelling. It is tempting to YELL a lot on substack because they make it so easy and seductive.
Black Lawrence Press published the book. They also published Joe Oestreich’s essay collection, Partisans, which makes me believe they have good taste in essay collections. I did a reading with Joe at Suffolk University in October of 2018, and bought my wedding dress the same day. In the hours between visiting English classes to talk about essay writing and the reading series in the evening, my mom and I ran like nutcases to get lunch at some co-op and then into Macy’s where we found the dress. We went out to dinner after the reading with the English department and then stayed in some wack-a-doodle AirBnB. In the morning, we were like, let’s get the H E double hockey sticks out of here.
That night, back in October 2018. Joe read his essay “The Botch Job” which is excellent, hilarious, and thematically rich. He made us laugh out loud. I never forgot the essay and still use it in my classes. The essay was even a runner up in Creative Nonfiction’s essay contest. Here’s a preview.
I digress, but this is my newsletter and I’ll digress how I see fit.
While waiting for her book to arrive, I read Paula’s essay in The New York Times, “I Am Not a Mother. But I Am Something” which, helllooooo is up my alley.
Then, I wrote Paula an email, because this is what I do in the morning when I am drinking my black tea with honey and half and half (remind me to do another newsletter, on my love of half and half)—I email. Paula and I talked a bit and she is lovely.
When the book came, I laid on the blue couch and read it cover to cover while Louise watched Sabrina The Teenage Witch (my recurring theme). I never read books in one sitting, but it is a slim book and was just begging to be read that way.
From the publisher:
“When Paula first met James, she was 26, in graduate school, and not ready to be any kind of mother to his two young sons. But, years later, after caring for them and watching them grow, she finds herself unsure of what to do when her relationship with their father ends. In a collection of striking flash essays, Paula reveals the complexity of loving children who are not her own and attempts to put language to something we have no language to describe. No Relation is a deeply personal, beautifully rendered account of a seldom-remarked on kind of love and loss.”
The thing about flash essays is that they look easy to do. You read it, and think “I could do that.” But could you? Three words to describe the book: poetic, concise, elision. In my books I feel I say too much; but Paula leaves you wanting more. She’s mysterious while being intimate.
Excerpts can be found here. Also, Black Lawrence Press is offering a discount of 25% on creative nonfiction until 1/31.
Have you read Paula Carter’s book? Or her essays? Are you going to? Does her book remind you of any other books? I can’t think of another book from the perspective of an almost-mother. Do let me know.
Writing prompt: Write about something you’re “supposed” to regret, but actually don’t. Share what you write in the comments if you’re ballsy.
(Quick note: I know I blew up your inbox this week. Oops! I’m trying to get some content up to show what my newsletter will be like. Normally I will send these weekly with the juicier stuff for paying subscribers obvi.)