Rabbit rabbit / Happy March!
Tell me when your birthday is and I’ll tell you who you are.
Just kidding; that’s a spin on the opening line in Julie Buntin’s novel Marlena, (have you read this novel? It’s dark and moving): Tell me what you can’t forget and I’ll tell you what you are.
When I was a teenager I cat-sat for a woman I thought was really cool. She had a tattoo on her wrist like a bracelet and would talk about juice fasting. She was a single mom who had moved upstate from NYC, and her car was always breaking down. She loved The Pretenders.
At her house in the woods I discovered a book called The Secret Language of Birthdays. It is 883 pages long and chronicles each day of the year’s meaning, the strengths and weaknesses of the person, what their diet should be, even, and on and on. I loved looking at my friends birthdays and seeing our compatibility. And OF COURSE looking up all of the boys who were in my life or I was secretly in love with.
“Combining astrology, numerology, and pure psychic intuition, The Secret Language of Birthdays is a wholly unique compilation that reveals one's strengths, weaknesses, and major issues while providing practical advice and spiritual guidance.”
Remember when you were ten-ish and you discovered astrology? That’s where Louise is at. She’s a Gemini. When she found out she was an air sign, she decided to paint her room what she calls “an airy blue.” When you’re a kid, astrology can help you figure out who you are and aren’t. You can form your identity but deciding what you do and don’t agree with about your so-called personality traits. I told Louise about the huge bday book which of course she wanted and I did too.
Does anyone else remember how the grocery stores in the nineties had those little horoscope booklets? I cannot find a photo of them anywhere; I can only find this scrolls, which isn’t what I’m talking about, but is close. Anyway, my mom and I would throw the “Aries” booklet (we share the sign) onto the conveyor belt and I’d devour it back at home.
The birthday book can be kind of harsh and funny, like when it calls someone “emotionally immature.” At one point, L said, “This book is creepy. It tells you too much about people.”
The other day I was spouting shit about how people usually like people who are the same sign as them, and Louise pushed her glasses up on her nose and said, “Not necessarily, but they do have better communication.”
LOL.
The book makes for an excellent birthday gift, coffee table book, or just pure fun.
*Beware though, if you do ever buy this book, do NOT purchase the updated version. My friend Noelle did and she said it sucks.*
IN OTHER NEWS
I have a bunch of essays releasing over the next few months. One with Catapult, another with The Cut (fucking finally! Been trying them for yearssssssss), another with Romper.
IN EVEN OTHER NEWS
I’m teaching a 6-week Catapult class on revision, beginning April 28th. Sign up here.